BREAKING: Feingold will yield Senate seat, citing Thompson’s “mighty pen”

Wow, this is big. Bigger, even, than Jay Bullock’s Congressional bid! Some people are saying that esteemed U.S. Senator Russ Feingold will announce that he will not try to run against the apparently unbeatable former Bush Secretary TOMMY! Thompson.

It’s not just that running against the health insurance industry’s “über-lobbyist” would be an insurmountable task. Sen. Feingold has taken on millionaires before, and won each time. But this is a different case altogether.

The reason Thompson has not announced his much-rumored exploratory committee? He doesn’t need to. We know that despite his hot-headed rhetoric, Russ Feingold is a wuss. There’s no way he’d want to run against, much less personally debate Secretary Thompson.

For as we know,  TOMMY! is a dangerous weapon.

By the end of this day—the first of April—I have a strong feeling that Feingold will say he’s stepping back, clearing the way for TOMMY! Thompson, the one man whose pen is a sword.

However, I just realized this would leave no Democratic candidate in the race. The solution?

Jay Bullock for Senate!

Author: Jason Haas

Jason is an elected member of the Milwaukee County Board of Supervisors, occasionally moonlights as an amateur gardener, and is a proud father of two, or three, depending on how you do the math.